No matter our age, dealing with rude or otherwise difficult people can be a great source of struggle and emotional pain for girls and women. Traditionally, we’ve often been told that the best way to respond to rude behavior or speech is to “kill them with kindness,” meaning that the more someone mistreats you, the more you respond with a smile and being “nice.” But this sends a dangerous message that girls and women should simply tolerate inappropriate actions or words in order to avoid confrontation, and I know there is a better way. Here are 4 strategies to handle rude behavior:

Know You Are Worthy and Deserving

It’s sad that so many seem to fall for the lie that if someone is treating them poorly it’s because they deserve it. I work with girls and women who think someone else’s rude behavior is warranted because they feel like they’re ugly, stupid, or a failure. Don’t believe these lies! You have great worth, and it is not okay for someone to belittle you or put you down. When you truly begin to see yourself as the wonderful person that you are, you realize that you should not tolerate any level of disrespect. [pullquote]When you truly begin to see yourself as the wonderful person that you are, you realize that you should not tolerate any level of disrespect. [/pullquote]

Respond With Dignity

You don’t have to sink to someone’s level and return the nastiness. Hold your head high. You don’t have to play those childish (and painful) games. If someone tries to manipulate you or insult you, I don’t suggest retaliation. It can be tempting to lash out in return, but that may be just the thing they want you to do.  I do suggest that you use strong, confident body language and speak up instead of going silent.  It’s common to feel paralyzed in such a situation.

Assert Your Strength

Sometimes by responding calmly, you can deescalate a confrontation before it goes further. Unfortunately, however, sometimes rude people will continue to bait you. In these situations, I encourage you to be assertive. Call them out on their rude behavior. Say something like, “that was extremely rude.” Don’t let them get away with it. 

Seek Support and Guidance

If you’re the victim of bullying, if you’re experiencing workplace abuse, or if you are dealing with a confusing relationship, don’t be afraid to reach out for help.  As a counselor I guide my clients through difficult relationships – whether it is a neighbor, stranger or family member.   I teach girls and women how to speak up and reclaim their confidence.  Assertiveness is a learned skill.    

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