It’s very common for teen girls and their moms to struggle to get along. Women may wonder, “what happened to my sweet little girl?” Like it or not, she’s not so little anymore, and as her mother, you may need to make some adjustments in order to stay connected with here. Here are 7 ways to improve your relationship with your teenage daughter: 

• Be An Active Listener
• Set Clear And Realistic Expectations
• Catch Her Being Good
• Be Real
• Keep It Brief
• Allow Her To Have Her Own Experience
• Remain Calm

Be An Active Listener- When your daughter is speaking to you, show her respect by really hearing her out. Turn off the television, put down your smartphone, and listen! Ask questions to clarify that you’re understanding her correctly. 

Set Clear and Realistic Expectations- To be unclear is to be unkind, so make sure she really understands the expectations you have for her (curfew, grades, dating guidelines, etc.). And while it’s good to have high standards for our daughters, don’t make them so high that they’re unattainable. For example, it may not be realistic for you to expect her to have a perfect 4.0 GPA if she finds a certain subject challenging.

Catch Her Being Good- Do you praise your daughter as much as you provide feedback for her to improve? Draw attention to when she is being thoughtful, responsible, creative, or any other positive quality that you want her to develop.  

Be Real- Sometimes as moms we feel like we have to be the perfect example for our daughters to learn good behavior. But the truth is that no one is perfect or always right, so we shouldn’t pretend to be! Teenagers really dislike phoniness, so be your imperfect self and let her learn from you how to move forward after making a mistake.

Keep It Brief- When you need to have some of those hard talks, don’t give her an hour long lecture. Say what you need to in 20 seconds or less; anything longer and she’ll tune out.  [pullquote]Draw attention to when she is being thoughtful, responsible, creative, or any other positive quality that you want her to develop. [/pullquote]Allow Her To Have Her Own Experience- Her eye rolls or sarcastic expressions can be really maddening, but  responding to every outburst isn’t helpful. Remember that you were once a hormonal, confused teenage girl as well, so let her experience her own feelings.

Remain Calm- No matter how old your daughter is, this is crucial. Even if you’re frustrated or angry, losing control of your emotions won’t solve anything and can be a major train wreck for your relationship. Take a breather, gather yourself, and respond calmly. 

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Empowering Families By Strengthening Girls & Women

At Warrenton Women’s Counseling Center, we work with girls of all ages (teenagers, adult women, mothers, and daughters). Our work is done face-to-face, online or via phone. We would love to hear from you and help to empower you and/or your daughter.
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Michelle Kelley, LCSW is a licensed counselor and  owner of Warrenton Women’s Counseling Center. We work with girls and women of all ages. Our motto is to empower families by strengthening girls and women. For more information, call (540) 316-6362 or email Michelle@WarrentonWomensCounselingCenter.com