Soft abuse sounds confusing. It’s an oxymoron. Abuse is not soft. Exactly! Soft abuse is any type of verbal, psychological or emotional abuse. In a relationship soft abuse may look like this…

1. Explosive temper
2. Extreme jealousy
3. Possessiveness
4. Repeated pressure to have sex
5. Put down, belittling, minimizing
6. Checking your cell phone without permission
7. Making false accusations

Soft abuse will kill a relationship. Everyone is clear that physical and sexual abuse are not to be tolerated, but emotional abuse… well, we are not there yet. The reality is that females are more likely to put up with bad and abusive behavior in a relationship. We are more likely to make excuses and give someone the benefit of the doubt or a hundred chances to change. We teach others how to treat us. If we allow it, we will get more.

Because of the insidious nature of this type of abuse, it can be hard to detect. The effects of soft abuse are far reaching and long lasting.

In my work I see so many girls who cling to the picture of the guy they “used” to know meaning he used to be nice, different. Why is it so hard for a female to accept that some people will change during the course of a relationship. A person’s true colors come out over time. This is not so uncommon. The test is to WAIT and not jump into a relationship (heart, soul and body).

It’s time to start talking about this type of abuse – SOFT ABUSE. It’s real and it’s real difficult to wrap your mind around. It’s difficult to talk about. It’s difficult to deal with. Let’s start talking, dealing with and accepting that soft abuse needs to be stamped out. By the way, the abuser is never the one to change. Change must come from the victims and it will look a little like this: “STOP IT!”