Are You Too Nice?
If only they knew what you were really thinking, but instead what comes out is:
- Sure, I’ll be glad to.
- Yeah, I’ll be there.
- Yes, that’s fine.
Do you have trouble saying “no” to people and their demands in your life without feeling guilty? If so, you are not alone.
Women seem to struggle more than men when it comes to people-pleasing and setting firm boundaries. I realize that many women were raised to be sugar, spice and everything nice. Unfortunately, when women try to live up to such an unrealistic standard, they can succumb to depression and anxiety as well as a high level of frustration.
But we knew that already, didn’t we?
As a counselor, I teach women and girls how to hold boundaries in their life and relationships. I also give them permission to do so — without feeling guilty or selfish.
Healthy boundaries are essential for healthy self-esteem. If you struggle with boundary-setting, there is a good chance your daughter will, too! Remember, she is looking to you as a role model.
Here are some examples of holding boundaries:
- •No, I can’t help out this time – maybe next time.
- •No. Actually, I have already made plans for next weekend.
- •No, I’m not comfortable with having a bunch of people over to my house.
Remember, “no” is a complete sentence especially when setting boundaries with difficult people. You do not owe anyone an explanation for why you say “no” to their request and you are not responsible for someone else’s emotional state. You are only responsible for your own.
If you need more help setting and maintaining your boundaries, or know someone else who does, then please contact me via email or phone to arrange an appointment.
Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.
