Moving on After Divorce
Why is it so difficult to move on after divorce? Well, this may seem obvious but there are many women who feel that the expectation is to move on – and to do it quickly.
However, the separating of two people in a marriage is usually a lengthy process. The legal aspect takes considerable time and could take longer if there are children involved. But the emotional side takes significantly more time to heal – long after a divorce is legally final.
The biggest myth is that once a divorce is final, then a woman should be ready to move on. Not so fast! The heart takes time to heal and that’s going to be different for everyone. There are many factors to consider such as the depth of the relationship, support, children, personality type, and the isolation factor.
When I was growing up I remember hearing that people would divorce due to “irreconcilable differences”. I never really understood that phrase. As a counselor and after going through my own divorce, I now understand that “irreconcilable differences” is a catch-all phrase which can mean anything from abuse to feeling annoyed with the other person.
What does divorce mean to you? It is important to explore this question. Herein lays possible hidden emotional obstacles to ‘moving on’. Does your marriage ending mean:
- You failed?
- You will be seen as a failure?
- Your children will be permanently scarred and will never forgive you?
- You have let down your parents or someone else?
- You have let down yourself because you believe you didn’t try enough?
- You will be losing your best friend?
- No one will ever love you again?
- There was only ONE relationship for you and he just walked out that door?
- You are doomed to a life of unhappiness?
This is where speaking with a counselor to help you work with your mind (essentially your thoughts) can speed up the healing process to allow you to move on quicker. It’s especially important to move on if your emotional pain is keeping you from living your life or being a good and present parent.
It’s normal to feel stuck for a while! However, when these feeling do not leave then you can be headed for more serious issues with anxiety and depression.
If you would like to have a personal counselor/coach through this difficult process, or know someone else who would, then please contact me via email or phone 703.505.2413. I am here to help!
Licensed counselor and founder of Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (703) 505-2413 or email michelle@girlsstandstrong.com.
