Society has changed in a way that supports girls in breaking free from gender-role stereotyping. Girls finally have more power to authentically show up in the world (to be their true selves). But “What about boys?” They face challenges too.

Have we as a society gone too far by emphasizing the importance of boys being “strong” and not showing emotions? Yes we have and it’s hurting them.

Boys grow up to be men – men who don’t know how to relate to women or to their own emotions. Men are just as emotional as women. When boys go through the toughness process, they drive their emotions underground and we all pay a price for that.

Our focus as a society now needs to widen to allow boys permission to show up EMOTIONALLY in their relationships.

Can boys break out of traditional “boy roles” of toughness without being called a sissy, a girl, a wimp, or worse? Yes! Let’s teach our boys that it’s okay to have emotions (hurt, jealousy, sadness) and let’s teach them how to relate to others who display emotions (females).

The Silent Crisis:

Society tends to support boys being raised with conventional expectations about manhood and masculinity. You know what I’m talking about – encouraging boys to pull away from their mothers too early or telling them to “suck it up” and deal with their hurts and disappointments silently. This has led us to this state of silent crisis among boys… and few are talking about it.

Boys are hurting (they’re human!) but they don’t know how to talk about it and parents don’t know either. It’s simply not considered “manly” to talk about feelings. What a disservice we do to boys by reinforcing this message.

Depression and anxiety affect boys equally as much as girls. It’s as if we think depression is a female issue (another example of gender stereotyping) but it’s simply not true. The difference is males usually act out their feelings (get in trouble) and girls turn inward with their feelings. Boys that act out their emotional pain still silently suffer. Depressed males tend to have overt symptoms (anger issues, alcohol/drug abuse, violence against others, work addiction/sex addiction), while typical female depression manifests covertly (i.e. sadness, crying).

Girls and women go to counseling because they are hurting. Boys and men go to counseling because they are in trouble – big difference. I have often been asked why I don’t specialize in boys. The simple answer is because I wouldn’t have a business if I did. Counseling, support and authentic connection can feel taboo to boys and men. This is what they have been taught – by well-meaning family and friends.

To be continued in our next issue…

[author] [author_image timthumb=’on’]https://www.warrentonwomenscounselingcenter.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Michelle-Kelly-10.14.jpg[/author_image] [author_info]Licensed counselor and founder of the Warrenton Women’s Counseling Center and Girls Stand Strong Michelle Kelley, LCSW, helps girls and women of all ages develop and improve their self-image, self-esteem, relationship and communication skills, emotional understanding, coping skills, the ability to handle difficult situations and people, and resiliency to create a brighter, better and more successful tomorrow. For more information about Michelle’s coaching and counseling services, call (540) 316-6362 or email michelle@WarrentonWomensCounselingCenter.com.[/author_info] [/author]