In the midst of the fallout surrounding the Weinstein abuse scandal (and with more accusations against other big names coming out everyday), culturally, there is a lot to talk about. It’s hard. It’s painful. But it’s important. And as ugly as the subject matter is, I’m glad that we’re having this conversation.

Last week, we addressed the topic of what we as parents can do to curb the tide of sexual misconduct. Today I’d like to take a different angle: women coming forward to tell their stories. “Why didn’t they tell sooner?” some may ask ask. “Why did they wait so long?” Some say that if a woman is violated, it’s her duty to come forth in order to protect other women who could be victimized.

In a word, the answer is no. It is not the woman’s responsibility to do anything except heal. What many fail to understand is that sexual abuse of any kind leaves deep emotional scars that make it extremely painful to speak out, let alone think about the experience (healing can take years, and sexual assault often leads to PTSD or addiction, as women try to numb their feelings or escape their pain through drugs or alcohol). 

Instead of expecting women to come forth, we need to show them respect and be sensitive to their needs and the trauma they’ve gone through.

“Who Would Believe Me?”

Another reason some may not choose to come forward (or come forward right away) is because of the fear that they won’t be taken seriously or believed at all. They may likewise be deterred by legal issues, specifically statutes of limitations. Child actor Corey Feldman has long spoken out about pedophilia in Hollywood and has said that he did report his childhood abuse to the authorities in the past, but for a variety of reasons, nothing was done to prosecute the perpetrators. Other public individuals have likewise expressed that their accusations or cries for help have gone unanswered.

If those who break the silence of abuse aren’t believed or taken seriously, others who’ve suffered may not see a reason to tell their own stories.

Women Who Choose To Share

While it’s no one else’s decision whether or not to come forward, some women do feel the desire or need to speak out. In fact, our current conversation is encouraging and empowering these woman to share if they choose to. Coming forward may mean talking to a friend or even simply admitting to themselves that they are not at fault. And though we’ve recently witnessed a very public display of disclosure, sharing one’s story about sexual assault does not have to include going to the media.

My Experience As A Therapist

As a professional therapist specializing in women’s issues, I have seen many women clients who have carried this terrible secret with them and ended up developing serious mental health issues, such as depression, rage/ anger issues, anxiety, and PTDS. These issues bleed into all areas of a woman’s life – her personal relationships, her work, her emotional well-being, etc. Seeing the devastating long-term effects of abuse makes me all the more determined to call out this ugly epidemic for what it is.

We need to start calling rape what it is. It’s illegal. It’s a felony. It’s so much more than a physical act-it’s a crime against one’s spirit, and that is not something you just “get over” or forget. When pain gets buried deep within a woman’s psyche, it will resurface at some point. And that’s why we need to keep talking, keep examining ourselves, keep listening to women’s stories and supporting each other.

The only way we will heal is if we continue to work to change our culture.

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Empowering Families By Strengthening Girls & Women

At Warrenton Women’s Counseling Center, we work with girls of all ages (teenagers, adult women, mothers, and daughters). Our work is done face-to-face, online or via phone. We would love to hear from you and help to empower you and/or your daughter.
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Michelle Kelley, LCSW is a licensed counselor and owner of Warrenton Women’s Counseling Center. We work with girls and women of all ages. Our motto is to empower families by strengthening girls and women.

For more information call (540) 316-6362 or email
Michelle@WarrentonWomensCounselingCenter.com